What’s Next...
I’ve always been vocal about my hate for losing. Losses hit me hard, but I’ve learned that having the wrong mindset and failing to process a loss can negatively impact future performances, creating a cycle of defeat.
Throughout my career, I’ve experienced incredible highs and lows. Many of my greatest successes have come after devastating losses.
I lost my final high school match but went on to win the NCAA Championships as a true freshman the following year. That win came in a loaded bracket featuring four current and future NCAA Champions—all while I was recovering from ACL surgery.
During my sophomore season, I was upset by an opponent I had previously beaten. He pinned me on his home mat in the final dual meet before the Big Ten Tournament. I was devastated and heard whispers of, “He’s done,” and “He’ll never win the NCAA tournament.” Weeks later, I defeated that same opponent in the semifinals of the NCAA Tournament on my way to a second national title.
After winning three NCAA titles, I lost the final match of my college career. But I came back stronger, winning the US Senior Nationals, the Bill Farrell Memorial, and the US Olympic Trials—a bracket that featured a former World Champion, a 2020 Olympic Bronze medalist, and a World Silver medalist—to make the US Olympic Team.
Losing in the finals of the Olympic Games was devastating. Becoming an Olympic Champion had been my goal since I was a young wrestler.
But after that loss, I’m moving forward. This story is still being written. My approach to recovering from losses has evolved. I’ve learned how to shift my focus toward the most crucial step in the process: What’s Next.
How to Reset Your Mind After a Loss
Loss is one of the most profound and painful experiences we can face, whether it’s a relationship ending, a personal failure, or a dream falling short—like missing out on Olympic gold. It’s natural to feel like your world has been turned upside down. Grief, confusion, anger, and sadness can cloud your mind. It’s especially difficult when a lifelong dream slips away by a second or two. But what if that painful chapter could be the very thing that propels you to become stronger and more resilient?
I believe this to be true. The key to overcoming loss lies in your perspective and the actions you take afterward. Here’s how you can reset your mind after a loss and come back stronger.
1. Allow Yourself to Feel
The first step to resetting your mind is allowing yourself to feel. Grief, sadness, anger, disappointment, and confusion are natural. Suppressing these emotions only delays the healing process.
For me, this step is challenging. It takes time before I’m ready to face my emotions. Sometimes, I’ll travel to remove myself from my daily routine. Being around the mat, my teammates, and wrestling makes it hard to detach. Travel gives me space to reflect and reset.
Feeling emotions isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a part of being human. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment. If it mattered to you, it’s okay to hurt. Processing emotions helps you move forward toward What’s Next.
2. Shift Your Focus to Growth
Acknowledging grief is essential, but staying in that state too long can hold you back. Shifting your focus to growth is the next step.
Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this experience?” Every loss carries a lesson. Maybe you’ll discover a technical weakness to address or realize a change in preparation is needed. After taking a break, reflect on the entire training cycle. How was the weight cut? How did you wrestle? What can you learn from it? This reflection process is essential for growth.
Instead of asking “Why me?” shift to “What now?” or “What’s next?” That mental shift is the most critical step in my process.
3. Surround Yourself with Support
Loss can feel isolating, but you’re not alone. Surround yourself with people who see the bigger picture and offer support. Friends, family, and trusted mentors can provide perspective.
Asking for help doesn’t make you weak. It’s a sign of strength. Sometimes, speaking to someone who’s experienced a similar loss can provide valuable insight and comfort.
4. Embrace New Possibilities
Loss often marks the end of one chapter—but it’s also the beginning of another. When I lost in the Olympic finals, I faced a choice: stay stuck or move forward. I chose to fully commit to my senior international career, driven by a sharper understanding of what’s required to win at that level.
Embrace change. It’s uncomfortable, but it’s also where growth happens. Consistency is great, but change is often necessary to move toward What’s Next.
5. Practice Patience with Yourself
There’s no “right” timeline for grief or recovery. Healing takes time, and progress isn’t always linear. Be patient with yourself as you work through the process.
Small wins matter. Waking up feeling a little better is progress. Each small step toward recovery is a victory worth acknowledging. Personally, I’ve found that taking time away from the mat helps me move through this phase faster.
6. Visualize Your Future Self
Visualization is one of the most powerful tools for resetting your mind. Close your eyes and picture the match you want to wrestle next. Focus on your strengths and remind yourself of what’s possible.
By visualizing your best self, you’re telling your subconscious mind that recovery is possible. You’re creating a mental roadmap that guides you toward your goals. This shift in mindset is critical to moving forward.
7. Find Meaning in the Struggle
When you’re in the middle of a struggle, it’s hard to see its purpose. But in hindsight, it’s clear that the most challenging moments often lead to the most growth.
Losing the Olympic finals and undergoing double knee surgery taught me that I’m stronger than I realized. The process of rehabbing two knees at once—both operated on the same day—was brutal. But it reinforced my love for wrestling and fueled my determination to return stronger than ever. I moved toward What’s Next with renewed passion.
8. Act — Move Toward What’s Next
The most powerful step is action. No matter how small the action is, it creates momentum. Taking that first step, no matter how tiny, breaks you free from the weight of loss.
Progress starts when you decide What’s Next. Momentum builds as you act on that decision, moving you closer to your next goal.
No one likes to lose, but loss can be a catalyst for transformation. By embracing the journey, shifting your focus to growth, and surrounding yourself with support, you can reset your mind, return stronger, and move toward What’s Next.
I know what’s next for me. I’m passionate about the pursuit of my next goal. You’re capable of the same. Loss doesn’t define you—your response does. Step forward, take action, and move toward What’s Next.
